Flying Fucks

There once was a man, a somewhat brilliant ornithologist, who approached me on the street. He spoke of a new breed of bird he found, thought to be mythical, and has confirmed of its existence. He preached with joy over this accomplishment and said he would go down in history books... I looked him straight in the eye and said:

"I also discovered a creature of the avian variety called "Flying Fucks". Ornithologists, like yourself, requested that I go forth and catch at least two of these great creatures and return them to society. Once I went back into the wild, they had already gone back into hiding, never to be found again. I returned to society and the ornithologists demanded that I give them the birds. Not only did I not have them in my possession, but I didn't even want to give them the birds anyway. So I am going to tell you exactly what I told them. 'I simply can't give two angrily, aggressive sexual beings of the avian variety. Simply, what I'm trying to say is I don't give two Flying Fucks!'
Now how do you feel about me wasting your time with bullshit you don't care about? Go blab it to the other ornithologists that care!"

After that, the ornithologist started to weep, scurried to the nearest bush (marking his path with tears) and started to masturbate his pains away. He still feels this pain today....don't go to the bush on the corner of Oakland and Grey Street.

Meme-Time! #2

Meme by me, but joke from Matt N. (PUMAH!)

Breakfast of Champions

The Breakfast of Champions: Water & Aspirin...oh god why do loud noises exist?

Breaking News! - From Sarcastic Fiction Tonight

A great number of schools, in the community, have either been down-scaling their size or completely closing down all together. Some say it is due to the lack of funding/budget-cuts...which is true to some degree. The surprising discovering is all of these schools have one thing in common, the lack of supplies. This shit cray, right? Well I certainly thought so, so I went to investigate.
One college, divided into only two buildings (none that I know of...),  decided to close down one of the two building and migrate all of its classes and workspaces into the other building. I asked the head of the school, Captain Chief-Boss, to enlightening me on the current situation. After a long discussion, it came down to this:

"Well it has reached a point where our sister building has simply run out of paper. So instead of getting more paper, we simply decided to just close the building instead!"

I was later notified that a small group of students formed an organization at the local StarBucks in order to rebel against this outrageous dilemma.

Well then, case closed & problem solved, right?....WE'LL SEE SOON ENOUGH!

>:)

Solving Thought Experiments

"If a tree falls in the middle of the woods, and no ones around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

OF COURSE IT DOES, YOU IDIOT! Just because no ones around to hear something, doesn't mean the laws of physics and/or sound stops working all together.  I mean, none of us are around to hear Russian people, but we all know they talk ALL THE TIME!

Meme-Time!

10 Crazy Things that Happened during Daylight Savings Time

A list of things that could only happen during Daylight Savings Time

**In order to understand all of them, you have to believe that the hour of 2AM-3AM was technically instantaneous, but its still an hour forward...**

1. We all lost an hour of sleep...the most obvious, but the most depressing -____-
2. The couple, who started fucking at 2AM sharp, spent an hour fucking (nice).
3. A man, that had his orgasm at 2AM sharp, had an hour long orgasm.
4. People who got married at 2AM sharp were married for one hour, before they even left the alter.
5. Every stoner, who was high at the time, had the biggest mind-fuck when they saw that time went from 1:59AM to 3:00AM...and they spent the next hour talking about/expressing how much they were mind-fucked.
6. An innocent husband is being bitched at by his wife because even though he was technically home at 2AM, like he said he would, he's still getting his ass handed to him for being an hour late.
7. The wife, whose was making one of Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals, overcooked the dish by an hour...wow.
8. The bum that said he would leave your house at 2AM overstayed his welcome by an hour, but he's still determined to leave at 2AM sharp, so he'll wait until the next day...this process will probably repeat for a few months.
9. That person you secretly hate and want to punch every time they open their stupid face-hole; they started to tell you a story about something that you don't care about because you hate them and decided not to listen...you had to listen to them babble for an extra hour. You got so angry and fed up listening to this dumbass that you lost all control and started to bash their face in, without mercy, and they became cosmetically and mentally impaired while you were charged with attempted murder and attempted rape....rape I don't know why, but they threw that in there for shits and giggles.

And the biggest mind-fuck, yet coolest thing that happened...

We technically went back in time on Sunday, November 6th 2011 by going from 2AM to 1AM. With that said, since we went forward in time from 2AM to 3AM, technically we went BACK TO THE FUTURE! And we did it without getting the DeLorean up to 88mph! Sorry Doctor Brown, your years of determination to time-travel have been solved in mere seconds...at least you still invented peanut butter, right?.... WELL YOU CAN! Just get the DeLorean up to 88mph ;P 

An Epic Sonnet about ASDF!

The following is a Sonnet, in Iambic Pentameter (14 lines, rhyme scheme w/ rhyming couplet at the end, 10 syllables per line, etc.), about the jokes and skits from the ASDF clips on YouTube. If you have NOT seen the ASDF films, then you should be burned at the stake for high treason against not discovering comedy. If you wish to experience this hilariousness and actually give context to the Sonnet, follow the links provided (I did not make these films): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKB4h9gvmm0 - and - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oY6tCnu-1Do&feature=fvwrel   Please copy and paste the videos in your browser if you wish to view them!
Thank you Thomas Ridgewell for making the videos!

Here's the Sonnet I wrote:

A.J. Niakaros

1 March 2012

English II

ASDF 

There once was a man who traveled the plains

With bags of dessert and fondness for trains.

As he grew weary, he looked towards the sky

Lying down and eating pie flavored pie.

On his journey, he encountered sorrow;

Saw the rubble of a killed potato.

Amongst the wreckage, words hidden by reed

Said the following; he knew how to read.

“My name is Ramses, your sandwich I am

I fought many battles for Uncle Sam.

Worship me even if I’m not alive,

And fear my might, I taught llamas to drive.”

The ruins remain, the man in despair.

The man went home and found no dog was there.

*This Sonnet is inspired and greatly resembles the fantastic poem called Ozymandias, by Percy Bysshe Shelly. Credit for the inspiration of this Sonnet goes to Percy and his amazing poem. Thank You!

Works Cited

Shelley, Percy B. "Part Two. 200 Poems." Literature: A Portable Anthology. Second ed. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2009. 500. Print.

This is How Every College Paper Starts....

Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Random Boner Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid
Boner Gone Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid And it's Back Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid .....Messy KeyBoard